January (Not a Happy Post)

This isn't a happy post, well not entirely. I know these things don't really get talked about, at least not in open circles, but I think they shouldn't be a completely taboo topic and it honestly feels good to just put these thoughts into writing, a written therapy of sorts. So last weekend I had a miscarriage. It wasn't entirely unexpected, at least not now in retrospect. The pregnancy was already not progressing as far along as it should have been. When I first saw the midwives they couldn't see anything by ultrasound so I was sent to an ultrasound tech who dated me a full week and a 1/2 behind where I should have been and she also couldn't see an embryo. I think everyone tried to convince us otherwise that this was ok and not at all unusual, not to be mean or lie to us but to see how nature took its course. We also didn't tell a lot of people, or were waiting to until we saw a baby and a heartbeat, so now I think that was somewhat fortuitous.

Last weekend was tough, and the aftermath was I think even harder than I expected. In the few weeks I was pregnant I kept trying to really hold on to moments, thinking we're now in a countdown to when we'll no longer just be a family of 3 or to when Mo will have a little brother or sister. So coming back from that mindset has been hard.

Bill's been really great though. He tried to get me to not freak out all through that weekend, took Monday off,  drove me around to take my mind off of things, was there with me post-op and generally has been extremely supportive. With the surprise snow this past Friday he stayed home so I was able to make it to a Friday night yoga class that was really therapeutic. My family and friends have also been wonderful, especially my Mom and Brenda, who both basically walked me through everything as it was going down. It was comforting to know that I wasn't alone, that this wasn't my or Bill's fault and it happens with enough frequency that my Mom and best friend have both been through the same.

So anyways. Not very happy, but we're looking ahead. The midwives and the doctor that did the d&c all agree that I shouldn't have any trouble having a healthy pregnancy in the future and said as soon as we're emotionally ready we can try again. And statistically from what I've read this seems to be true too. So we will see. We had a nice weekend, going to a friend's house for game night on Saturday with some other couples, then invited another couple over for Super Bowl yesterday. In the immediate future Bill and I have a fun datenight to look forward to this Saturday (going out to one of our favorite Cajun restaurants from the city that relocated to Long Island), then Sunday we've been invited to join some other couples for a (supposedly good) all you can eat sushi. Monday we're having a playdate over at the house and Tuesday I fly out to Phoenix for the night to visit a client. Bill may be going to SXSW and we're really looking forward to our San Antonio trip at the end of March. My mom just got a new puppy and Mo has been obsessed with puppy pictures and videos. Life is good. Sometimes sad, but good.

Mo is of course amazing. She's so happy and sweet, talking so much. We had a girls night with sushi and a movie last Wednesday while Bill was at basketball and she was telling her teachers when I picked her up that we were having "girls night". This weekend she helped me make both muffins and a king cake, plus was giving out spontaneous hugs. She's also started having chats with her animals. I overheard her the other day asking her pony why pony was sad, giving pony a little pep talk, then told me that pony had been crying. She was of course very concerned and it was all too sweet for words. She surprises me in the best ways every day. Last week this silly Motherhood Challenge was going around Facebook and while those usually aren't my thing, it was fun (and challenging) to pick out 5 photos that made me proud to be a Mom- so I figured I'd reshare those here, plus a few of the runners up.

Get outta the photo Mommy!

BFFs

Top of the world Ma!